You Are At: AllSands Home > Potluck1 > Parenting after divorce
There is nothing more devastating for a child, than to be caught in a tug-o-war between mommy and daddy. The blame should not be placed on one or the other as I see things. There are good and bad in all mothers and fathers. The problem I have is with these so called mothers who basically make it their mission to use their child as a weapon against the father when they don't get their own way. It's not fair to the child to have to live life like this. The mothers don't realize that screws a kid up and they grow up to look at life in a negative way.

Growing up as a child, I had to deal with my parents divorce. My mother use to say awful things about my dad in front of me, despite some of it being true and from remembering how I was treated before the divorce. As for my dad, he always asked me to see what was going on when I lived with my mother. It was almost like a competition. They both didn't realize that did damage to me as a child. I grew up to hate my father and for the way I was treated. The sad part was that I was raised to beleive I was nothing and that I'd be a nobody. Neither parent really took the time to praise me for the things I took a interest in.

Now that I am blessed with a wonderful little girl, I face the problem of a mother who basically treats me like a sperm donor. She tells me that she will tell my daughter awful things about me and I can see what my parents did to me in her voice. I may not be the perfect father but that doesn't give her the right to fill my daughters head with bad ideas. Thats not fair to me as a father.

All I really want is to show the mother as well as all women that a man can raise a child. I want to give me daughter things I never had as a child but most importantly to encourage her in whatever she chooses to pursue. I'm willing to teach my daughter how to use a computer since the way of the world is going, kids will need to learn how to use a computer at an all early age. I want my daughter to know that no matter how much her mommy and daddy don't care for each other, that doesn't mean that we don't love her as a individual.

I can't stress enough as a father that if you can't get along with your ex-spouse. . . .fine. But do us all a favor and don't do it in front of a child. They need to grow up with the fundamentals of being able to make own decisions, to think things through and that their parents will always love them no matter what they choose to do in life. I just don't want to do to my child what was done to me because I want my daughter to grow up and be the best she could possibly be.

Shouldn't we put differences aside as parents and teach our children that if you put your mind to it, anything is possible. Kids when they reach dating age will learn soon enough the good and bad of dating. Lets not give them a preview that life sucks and its better to be miserable. But also to show that you can work hard to get ahead in life but that you can also have fun. It's sad that there are thos out there that believe life is nothing but a party and that you have to be miserable like they are. That's not true. This would be a better world if we all sat down and gave a try and show our kids that there is a lot of good in the world, they just have to go and look for it.

And as for blaming tv violence for everything, thats total b.s. I, as a father, believe that if my child is gonna watch tv, that I be there to explain a few things. One, you can't do everyhting you see on tv; two, thatyou can watch tv but also spend time reading books and three, there is no such thing as a quick get rich scheme. But don't we owe it to our kids to raise them right. To give them all our knowledge and let them go out into the world and decide for themselves. Basically hope that they succeed in life.

Men are capable of feeling. I love my daughter and I try to do the best I can with what I have. But its hard when you have to deal with someone who looks to start a fight with you or critize every little thing you do. Isn't it better to just let the other parent do what comes natural to them and you do what comes natural to you. Leave out the hate for the other parent and teach the child the good things in life. All I want is to give my daughter the head start I feel she deserves in life. To make me proud at whatever profession she chooses. It would bring tears to my eyes to hear my daughter say: "Thanks for being here for me Dad. For believing in me."