Mother / Daughter Relationships
Hints for daughters on how to create a better relationship with your mother. Learn some ideas on how to express your feelings and your love for her
Mothers and daughters overcome many obstacles in life, and somehow throughout the years our relationship is not quite what we wish it could be. Most of our mothers were raised in a very different environment than we were. My mother, for example, was raised in a very strict household where there was not enough affection received from her parents. Mom felt deprived and tried to find that missing affection in a man. She then married my father. Dad was a very loving person and all was fine until I was born. My mother had a difficult time sharing his affection with me. This created friction between us and affected our relationship in a very negative way. She was always jealous of me and I had a very hard time understanding how a mother could be jealous of her own daughter that she brought into this world.
I spent many years in counseling trying to deal with this and finally, at age 32, I began to understand. Our mothers only know what they were taught and if we would like things to be different, we must do the teaching. It took a lot of courage to do some of the things that I did, but it helped to create a wonderful relationship that I only wish I had sooner, but better late than never.
I decided to show my mother the love that she had never shown me. I began to send her cards in the mail once a month. She was thrilled to receive them and began to send me cards. We began to talk more on the phone and before we would hang up, I would always tell her that I loved her. It took a while, but eventually she began to say the words before I would.
After years of cards and phone conversations, I discovered something that was right in front of my face that I never thought about. I began to send e-mail to my mother when she was at work. She always complained about computers and how much she hated them, but that all changed when we started corresponding daily. I realized that it was much easier to tell her how I felt about her on a daily basis using the computer. We started writing back and forth talking about how our days were going. Eventually, I began to open up and tell her how much I appreciated all that she had done for me when I was growing up. I sat down and tried to remember all the little things that we did together that were special to me. Some of these things she had totally forgotten about and she was thrilled to be reminded of them.
It has been about a month of writing back and forth daily now and our relationship is better than I ever thought it could be. We are now very close and able to express our feelings freely in person. The computer was a gateway for us and changed our lives completely.
I have shared this little secret with a couple of my close friends who have noticed the drastic change in my relationship with my mother. They have started to rekindle relationships with their mothers. Granted, not everybody needs help getting closer to their moms, but for those who do, try it. A little bit of love can go a long way.