A Humorous Approach To Pregnancy
A humorous approach to the crazy journey known as pregnancy. A list of things that I wish I had known about pregnancy before it happened to me!
10 Things I Wish I Knew About Pregnancy Before It Happened To Me! (in no particular order)
I wish someone had told me:
1. That I would need my own zip code in order to go to sleep at night because of the large and complicated nest of pillows necessary to fall asleep and the fact that the baby loved to kick his father in the back all night.
2. That even though I had a nice comfy, cozy nest in which to sleep, I would spend half the night in a bizarre triangle between bed, bathroom, and refrigerator to get more water. I also wish someone had told me to enjoy those midnight trips to the bathroom because it would be the last time to get up in the middle of the night without spending an hour trying to get the baby to go back to sleep and it would also be the last time I would be able to use the can without an audience.
3. That a labyrinth of baby paraphernalia would spring up in our apartment, long before the baby would actually be expected and that my husband and I would end up using teddy bears for diapering practice and to see if we put the stroller together correctly.
4. That putting together a stroller would leave us wondering how we would ever manage to put a Lionel train set together during the wee hours of Christmas Eve if we couldn't manage to figure out how the wheels go on, and without the added pressure of a morning deadline!
5. That seeing my baby's grainy little image on the ultrasound machine would just send me over the moon! But that every time I had to drink 48oz of water before the test, it would rain, and we would hit every bump in the road!
6. That there is that weirdo, "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant" stage when my regular clothes didn't fit right but maternity clothes were laughably large just yet. Three words: Drawstring Cargo Pants! Lots of room to grow and many pockets for all your Tums and other pregnancy paraphernalia.
7. Due date, schmue date! Otherwise known as the Pregnancy Lotto. My baby was due September 15 and arrived on August 22. Some friends had to wait two weeks after their due date…you just never know when it's gonna happen! My water almost broke at the showing of a Kiss movie - now THAT would have been one for the baby book!
8. That it really is a good idea to have the hospital bag packed before the 8th month! Take lots of snacks for your labor coach - my husband ended up eating 12 buttered rolls in 2 days because we didn't have enough snacks! Some other things that are good to take are: an eye-mask so you can get some sleep while lights are on all around you, moist towelettes so you can feel a little fresh (ok not much but it's something!), hair clips and ponytail holders, slip-on slippers (not those bootie types in case you still can't reach your feet or have a c-section), bring your own pads (!!) I know the hospital ones are free but they don't have adhesive and are the old fashioned belted kinds --- only they don't belt it to you, they tape it to you! Ouch! Most importantly, bring anything that can comfort you whether it's music or a favorite stuffie. I'm 28 but felt no shame in bringing my Curious George along for the ride!
9. When in labor…be nice to the nurses! They are the ones who can bring you things like extra ginger ale, ice chips, and can tell your husband where he can find free food. Also they are in charge of sponge baths, bedpans and calling the anesthesiologist on time - you want one for your best friend!
10. No matter what you went through - whether you have a textbook pregnancy and childbirth or have to deal with complications, it is the most wonderful experience and that tiny little peanut (or perhaps not so tiny!) makes everything worthwhile. Once that little squishy face looked at me and I locked eyes with that little tiny boy, I was in love and everything else faded away.